its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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