Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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