we made out on top of his cat.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
