I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
