I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
