Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
