He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
