then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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