I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
