When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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