so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
