Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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