the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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