Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
