conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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