You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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