xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
