You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm sobbing to NWA
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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