White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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