sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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