i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
