i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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