Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
