ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
