The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
