just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
