why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
