Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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