is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
