I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
