I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
