Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
