I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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