Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
