It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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