You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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