I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize