oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
