I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
