You're my little dorito
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
