i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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