I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
worst night to have a conscience
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
