Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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