you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
