There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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