Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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