Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Randomize
