so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
