I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
