A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Let's get the cat blown out
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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