right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
