I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
