I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
