can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
