I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
