Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
