how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
