When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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