god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
