just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
